WHAT IF THEY DON’T KNOW I EVEN EXIST?
Following on from our answer to ‘What if they don’t want contact?’ is what if they didn’t even know you exist. This is most likely when a person is looking for their father. In these types of searches the finding part can the easy part. You might be feeling really vulnerable about finding your relative but if they didn’t know you existed then we have to deal with this in the right way for both of you. This is something we are happy to do and are very experienced in. First thing is to find him, then once he’s found assess his current situation. If he genuinely didn’t know that you were conceived let alone born then we must tread carefully. He might have two other grown children and a wife and we need to consider those people too. We would try and make contact with him with a very discreet letter and encourage him to call us when he had chance. Then we’d make sure that he could speak privately before explaining the situation. Most people then need a day or two to face reality and a few more days to tell other people in their life and then most contact us again to move forward. Now in six months’ time the chances of things going well are so much more likely because we got everyone off on the right foot, people were informed of the situation in the correct way and that is massively appreciated by all in the long run.